How to Initiate Family Meetings

Family meetings are a critical communication tool. Particularly in families looking to maintain wealth across multiple generations, an ability to communicate openly and honestly may be the most essential determinant in reaching that goal. Regular meetings give parents a proactive way to determine what financial information to share and when. They also give descendants a dedicated time and place to ask questions and help ensure that family members hear the same information at the same time, reducing the potential for misunderstandings.

So how can a family get started and begin to make these meetings a regular occurrence? While there is no “one-size-fits-all” template, there are common content and logistical decisions that make planning easier and meetings more productive.

Start high-level.

You don’t need to start with numbers or a portfolio review. Start with what is most useful for adult children to understand at this point in their lives: the parent’s/grandparent’s hopes, values and intentions for family assets. Also, in the beginning, go for easy wins. If how the family will maintain the beach house into the next generation is a known “hot-button” issue, don’t open with that. After the family has more experience talking through financial issues as a group, you can tackle more sensitive topics.

Set the stage.

Conversations about money are fraught with anxiety for most people. Sharing an agenda in advance that outlines the topic(s) and purpose of the meeting will help put everyone at ease. If attendees are expected to share their point of view or be familiar with any specific documents or details, give them the time and information necessary to prepare.

Grow the circle slowly.

Depending on the size and dynamics within the family, it might be best to start small with immediate family members – parents and adult children – and then branch out to include in-laws and even young-adult grandchildren as the group gains more experience talking about financial matters.

Make it a habit.

Rather than calling meetings only in reaction to new or changing situations, which could also be a time of heightened emotion, try to get into a regular schedule for these discussions. This will help normalize talking about money and financial issues so that if and when unexpected things happen, the family will already have experience working on these issues together.

Establish healthy guidelines.

Effective communication requires an environment that fosters trust, encourages participation and promotes a willingness to listen to and appreciate differences. Getting to this level of communication is more challenging than it sounds, particularly in a group of family members. People come into family discussions with pre-existing assumptions about others and habits in interacting with one another. All of us also tend to be more easily triggered by perceived criticism from family members and often less restrained in our response.

While setting up rules for these discussions may seem overbearing, having a few thoughtful guidelines sets expectations for healthy discussions and provides a structure for addressing difficult topics in a respectful way. When family members come to an agreement on a few rules around how to talk and interact within these meetings, it serves as a pact, increasing trust and confidence across the group.

Ask for guidance.

If you need assistance, ask for it. Bringing in a skilled third-party facilitator can be a good way to provide greater structure and help the family learn how to have these discussions. Altair regularly works with family clients to help directly with facilitation and/or provide support for meeting preparation. Talk with your client service team if you are interested in learning more about how we can help.

The benefits of regular family meetings cannot be overstated. They are one of the best measures for strengthening communication, preparing for future family changes and transitions and increasing empathy and understanding across the family group. Family meetings provide an intentional time for coming together to discuss important issues within the family and make collective decisions. If this is a practice your family has not yet adopted, we encourage you to get started.